Visitor's Guide to Dayton, Ohio

You must learn to correctly pronounce the city name. It is Date---uhn, "O-hi-o"

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dayton has its own version of traffic rules -- the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. The exception to the above is that blue haired ladies driving anything have the right of way anytime.

To find anything in Dayton, it is required that you know the former locations of Rike's, Rike's Kettering, Fridigaire, Southland 75, Monkey Miller's, Foodarama, and PK.

The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

You must know that Woodman Drive, Harshman Road, Needmore, Turner Road, Shoup Mill and Wright Brothers Parkway are the same road.

Construction is a permanent fixture in Dayton. The orange barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

The minimum acceptable speed on I-675 is 95 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Dayton's version of NASCAR and the Indy 500.

Never honk at anyone. To do so, invites serious bodily injury.

If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 65 zone then you are considered a road hazard and will receive flashing lights and blaring horns from other drivers.

Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then there's a Festival going on somewhere in the Dayton area.

If you work at Wright-Pat, there's a 95% chance you'll have a firedrill.

If the streets in your neighborhood get plowed, you'll need 4 wheel drive to get past the mountain left at the end of your driveway. You may not see your mailbox until Spring when you'll have to dig out the post that got snapped off by the plows and install a new one.