New Health Plan

Ten top indicators that your employer has changed to a cheaper HMO:

10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

 9. Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

 8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

 7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

 6. The only item listed under Preventative Care coverage is "An apple a day."

 5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to the Salvation Army last month.

 4. The statement saying, "The patient is responsible for 200% of all out-of-network-charges" is not a typo.

 3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

 2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little M's on them.

And the number 1 sign your healthcare provider is a "really cheap" HMO:

 1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.